


it’s all i’ve ever dreamed of

by orphan_account



Category: New Amsterdam (TV 2018)
Genre: Brief Sexual Content, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Heartwarming, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:40:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22977076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: She’d always wanted kids of her own, but unfortunately to no avail her attempts at getting pregnant were futile. After that she lost hope of ever being able to have the chance of hearing someone call her ‘mommy’, of having a child who she could love implicitly. That is until she began dating Max. While she didn’t intend on having kids with Max any time soon, as their relationship started to grow, it seemed as if they had all began to become a quaint little family — something that she had always wanted.
Relationships: Max Goodwin & Helen Sharpe, Max Goodwin/Helen Sharpe
Comments: 2
Kudos: 75





	it’s all i’ve ever dreamed of

**Author's Note:**

> this started off as a fluff piece, but then my imagination got the best of me and this happened...i actually kinda like the direction i went in with the end product of this story.

He stirs drowsily, a soft, sleepy yawn falls from his parted lips as he slowly blinked his bleary eyes open. Max groans, his back slightly arches as he stretches out his lilt limbs and rolls his shoulders, seemingly easing out the built up tension that seethed in his muscles. 

“Could you stretch a little quieter please,” He hears her murmur, the tenor of her sotto voce causes a blithe smile to spread across his face. Max glanced down at her as she laid sprawled out across the bed next to him; she was halfway curled up against his chest, her left leg lazily intwined within his, her arm rested over his torso. Her dark, braided coiffs were messily splayed across his white pillow. 

The baseball tee that she sneakily nabbed from him last night, sheathed effortlessly on her petite body, the loose fabric of it rose up a bit as she shifted closer to him, giving him a view of her honey toned thighs. Helen narrows an eyebrow up at him and playfully smacks him against his chest when she noticed where the gaze of his wondering eyes had landed. 

“Ow,” Max whined playfully, his lips mouing in a frown. 

“It’s a little too early to be acting like a pig honey.” Helen chastised, though her cautious tone upheld no actual malice. 

Max’s lips curl upward in an impish smirk as he relented, “I wasn’t acting like a pig. I was simply admiring my beautiful girlfriend. What’s wrong with that?” He asks innocently, albeit if the rougish look that marred his face and the mischievous glare that flickered in his eyes were anything to go by, she knew that his intentions were anything but so. 

Helen rolls her eyes in fondness, feeling her own lips tilting upward in mirth at her boyfriend’s sly remarks. “Nothing’s wrong with it but I know you. You’re very needy in the morning, and we don’t have enough time to fool around. Lu’s gonna be up at any second and we’ve both gotta get showered and dressed for work—” She halts mid-sentence and tightly purses her lips together. Her assertive words slowly dying on her lips, eyes roll to the back of her head in contentment as she feels Max’s lips teasingly brushing against the side of her neck. 

Helen bites at her bottom lip, helplessly writhes beneath him as feels the soft huffs of his warm breath wisping against her skin. Max smirks against her neck, ravishing in the way her body keened at his touch. 

“You were saying?” He murmurs hubristically, his lips are still sucking delicately and nibbling at the sides of her exposed neck. He bites down on a hickey that was still fresh from their salacious tryst last night and swipes his tongue across it, soothing it to perfection. 

His teeth tugged at the soft skin on her earlobe. He pulls back slightly to gauge her reaction. He’s still smirking at her, clearly satisfied by how wanton and needy he’d made her. She’s starting up at him, her eyes are lulled over, her chest is heaving in heavy pants. Her hips inadvertently lurch upward, the nonverbal gesture unmistakably lets him know that she’s desperate to feel the contact of his body pressed against hers. 

“Just touch me already.” Helen says, her breath is hitched and heavy. Normally she would’ve entertained his foreplay with some teasing of her own, but she was so hot, wanton and ready for him to feel him buried deeply inside of her that her patience had began to subside. 

“Just do something, _please!_ ” She adduced through clenched teeth, her libido becoming more insatiable. Max understands how she feels. Lately, they’d been so busy with work at the hospital and trying to maintain its functionality while also dealing with a fully energized four year old who constantly kept them on their feet. It was rare that they’d got to spend quality time together without any interruptions. 

There was always an emergency at the hospital, or Luna was having nightmares and was too scared to sleep alone in her bed so she slept with them. (Last night was the first night in a week that Luna hadn’t slept in the bed with them, they of course decided to take that to their advantage and make up for all the lost time, hence their relentless night full of love making). 

They were ravenous for each other’s body and it wasn’t a guarantee of when they would be able to receive alone time like this again. So, they intended on fully taking all the spare time to spend together while they still had it. 

Sliding a hand underneath the flimsy fabric of the loose fitted shirt, Max palms his hand over her stomach, gliding over her curvaceous curves, and tracing over the faint stretch marks on her hips. His insistent mouth hungrily sought hers in a feverish kiss. She keens in his mouth as her arms wrapped around his heightened neck, tugging his body closer. 

She hitches a soft breath, fingers curling in his disheveled coiffs when he starts to slowly pull her lacy black underwear over her hips and down her thighs. 

Helen lifts her body up slightly, assisting him in tandem as they hurriedly flicked the pair of undergarments aside. Her small hands cradled his face within its grasp as she fluctuated him with heartfelt kisses. “So beautiful.” He whispers, pecking her succulent lips. He pulls back just enough to shuck out of his white cotton t-shirt. He absentmindedly tossed it somewhere in the forgotten mix with Helen’s underwear. 

He’s half bare from the bottom down, only wearing a plaid pair of boxers that were seemingly beginning to grow more snug as they continued their salacious endeavor. Helen could feel the rigid bulge of his arousal prodding through his boxers, she whimpers breathily when he shifts his hips upward, causing her to feel his hardened erection pressed slack against her stomach. 

“Max,” She whines, her desperation is evident. Max nods, grunting lowly as he wiggles his boxers down.

“I know, I know.”

His avidity is so palpable that he doesn’t even bother to fully rid himself out of his boxers. He just pulled them down further and allowed them to pool around his ankles. They kiss again; hungrily, messily, he grabs ahold of her leg and wraps it around his waist as he settled comfortably between the apex of her thighs. 

He stares down into her eyes; purity and love shone heavily in them. She’s smiling, softly, giving him that loving look of adoration that makes his heart flutter. 

Then finally, finally — he’s inside of her. Her inner lips are still swollen evident from last night’s tryst. His grunts are throaty, kinda guttural as he moves in time with her, their body fluids comingle as they made love. His tongue is pressed against his inner cheek, eyebrows furrowed in concentration, sweat lined at the creases as he swivels the rotation of his hips. She’s reciprocating each of his moments, giving her own upward thrusts. 

Slowly, unhurriedly, they take each other to their ends, their bodies tremble in exertion, Max’s toes curl when he feels the shuddering of his release. His body is heavy as he laid atop of Helen, trying to haul down his erratic breathing. 

Helen sighs in tranquility, her hands are curling through his matted hair while he rested his head on her chest. She glanced over at the clock on the nightstand, “We should get up. Lu’s probably up.” 

“Mm,” Max groans, burying his face further into her chest as he tightens his grip around her.

“Come on lover boy. We’ll shower together to save time.” She whispers in his ear, smirking slyly as she unwinds his wilt arms from around her body and rises to her feet. She grabs ahold of his hand and tugged him behind her as they trailed in the direction of the bathroom. 

Just as suspected, Luna is wide awake when they egress from the bathroom fully clad in their work apparel. She’s sitting on the floor, playing with a Barbie while watching reruns of cartoons. Helen crouches down and lifts the small toddler in her arms. 

“Hi, my little munchkin!” She coos, tickling at Luna’s sides as she placed kisses along her chubby face. The sounds of Luna’s heartfelt giggles ricocheted throughout the room.

Max leaned against the kitchen counter and smiled fondly at the sight of his two favorite girls. “What, no good morning kiss for daddy?” He asks, feigning a playful hurt and wiping away an imaginary tear when he sees Luna press a sloppy kiss on Helen’s cheek. 

The little girl giggles as she wriggles in Helen’s arms, asking to be let down. When she’s planted firmly on her two feet, Luna runs over to her father and wraps her arms around his legs as she embraces him into a hug. 

“I’m sorry daddy!” She says, her words muffled as she presses her face against his stomach. 

Max chuckled as he picks her up, settling her on his hips. He pecked her cheek as he ran a hand over her wild bed hair. “It’s okay, baby. Are you hungry?” 

Luna nods vigorously. “Uh huh. I want...” She purses her lips in thought. “Pancakes!” She declares. 

“Pancakes? Okay. What kind; chocolate chip, blueberry?” He further questions as he walked into the kitchen, sauntering towards the refrigerator with Luna still perched on his hips. 

“Blueberry!” Max nods as opened the fridge and pulled out the carton of fresh blueberries that they purchased from the store yesterday. When he began to retrieve the ingredients to make the pancakes, Luna tapped on his shoulder and says, “can mommy make the pancakes instead? Yours are always lumpy,” Luna frowns in distaste at the thought of having to eat one of her father’s floury tasted, lumpy pancakes. 

Max falters upon hearing Luna’s words. He blinked, feeling aghast. When he looks over at Helen, her expression is equally as surprised as his, her eyes were wide with revelation. Luna, being too young to understand the affect of her slip-up, looked up at her father. 

“Are you okay, daddy?” She asks, flickering her eyes back and forth between the two of them. 

Max nods and clears his dry throat. “Y-Yeah, um, I’m okay.” He shifts Luna further up into his arms and cradled her close to his chest. 

“We’re gonna give you a bath while Helen cooks breakfast, okay?” He says, not even bothering to wait for her retort of confirmation. He quickly walks out of the kitchen and makes his way down the hallway to Luna’s bedroom. 

Helen remained standing in the middle of the kitchen still perplexed by the event that had just occurred; Luna had called her ‘mommy’. Although, she’d known the little girl since she was born and had been dating Max for nearly two years, Helen always prompted for Luna to refer to her using her first name as she didn’t want to appear as if she was trying to replace her last mother, Georgia. 

Helen didn’t want Luna to feel obligated in calling her such a meaningful term of endearment just because she was dating her father. The macabre demise of Georgia Goodwin was still difficult to fathom for Luna at times, and the last thing Helen ever wanted was for her to think that she was trying to erase her mother’s memory or importance in her life.

Helen was well aware that it was probably an inadvertent mistake, Luna could possible think that since Helen is dating her dad that it automatically made her, her mother. But that lingering thought still didn’t erase the fact that Helen’s heart fluttered in enamor when she heard the little girl call her ‘mommy’. She’d gotten close to Luna over the years and did view her as a daughter but she would’ve never thought that there was a chance that the feeling could be reciprocated. 

Did Luna actually mean it? They all told each other that they loved one another all the time without hesitation and the way ‘mommy’ oh so effortlessly rolled off of Luna’s tongue gave Helen a small fickle of hope that maybe, just maybe that her saying it wasn’t simply a slip up. 

She’d always wanted kids of her own, but unfortunately to no avail her attempts at getting pregnant were futile. After that she lost hope of ever being able to have the chance of hearing someone call her ‘mommy’, of having a child who she could love implicitly. That is until she began dating Max. While she didn’t intend on having kids with Max any time soon, as their relationship started to grow, it seemed as if they had all began to become a quaint little family — something that she had always wanted. 

She thought that Max, eventually would want that too. For them to all be a family. So, why did he look visibly upset when he heard Luna call her that? Did he think that it was too soon for his daughter to be referring to other women as mommy? Did he think that their relationship was moving too fast? All those unanswered questions helplessly wandered around Helen’s mind as she started to prepare breakfast. 

She was flipping the last blueberry pancake onto a plate when Max and Luna finally returned. The little girl was fully dressed; clad in a pair of pink overalls with a white shirt underneath. Her hair was deftly styled in a loose ponytail. She looked adorable. 

“Pancakes!” She clamored enthusiastically as she sprinted over to the table and sat down in her seat. Helen chuckled softly and placed a plate with two small pancakes in front of her. 

“Here you go, sweetie.” Helen drizzled some syrup across the fluffy treat then handed Luna a fork. 

“Thank you.” Luna says as she chews hungrily on her food. When Helen chances a glare over at Max, he’s staring vacantly at the wall while a cup of lukewarm tea is perched in his hands. Helen worries a frown as she walks over to him. 

She gently settles a hand on his shoulder, retracting him from his reverie. “Hey, you okay?” She ponders, feeling a little saddened that he was so upset by Luna’s new name for her. 

“Yeah.” He simply answers, pulling his lips in a faint smile that didn’t seem to reach his eyes. “Finish up, Lu. I have to drop you off at Mrs. Schwitz in a few minutes.” 

Helen parts her mouth open but then quickly closes it shut. She wants to talk to him about this, but she knows that now’s not the time when they still had to finish getting Luna ready for the day. 

It wasn’t until later on in the day when he’s slouched over at his desk, buried around a pile of paperwork that Helen decides to confront him about the incident. She’s standing in the threshold of his doorway, her hands rise in the air as she rapted a knock on the door. Max’s head lifts at the sudden sound. 

“Hi.” Helen greets, her hands slides in the pockets of her lab coat as she walks into the room, not even bothering in allowing him to tell her that it was okay for her to come in. 

“Hi.” Max responds, watching as she continued to tentatively approach until she was standing directly in front of him. She’s chewing numbly on her bottom lip, an idiosyncratic tendency of hers that she only did when she was nervous about something.

And Max knows exactly what she’s so nervous to talk about; the incident that occurred earlier in the kitchen. He sighs softly, feeling undeniably guilty that he was the reason for her timorousness. He knew that his aloof behavior today hadn’t made the situation easier for her. 

“I’m sorry,” He begins apologetically, somberly shaking his head as he looks up at her. The furrow in her brows lets him know that she’s curious to know why he was apologizing. He elaborates further. “For the way I acted today. I–” Max shifts in his chair, sitting upward so that he was fully facing Helen. “I shouldn’t have reacted that way.”

“No, Max. I completely understand if you don’t feel comfortable with Luna calling me that.” Helen assures him truthfully, letting him know that she had no problem setting boundaries with what Luna could call her. But Max declined her suggestion. 

“What? No, Helen. I’m glad that you and Luna are close and that she thinks of you as her mom. All I ever wanted was for you to have that kind of relationship with each other.” Max express, resting his hand ontop of Helen’s and giving her a small smile of reassurance. 

Helen returned the smile, but it was soon replaced by a confused furrow, “Then why were you acting so weird?” She catechizes, curiously wanting to get to the reason behind his abrupt shift in demeanor earlier. Though she was glad to know that he obtained no issue in Luna referring to her as mom, she still was worried about what was truly bothering him. 

Max’s smile faltered. He reached out, wrapping his arms around Helen’s waist as he eased her down onto his lap. He wound his slightly callused fingers within her softer, pristine ones and squeezed them for comfort. Helen sat there quietly, patiently waiting for him to speak. 

“I felt guilty, like I was betraying Georgia’s memory. I don’t talk about what happened to her with Luna, we don’t visit her grave. I just—hearing Luna call you that made me realize how terrible I’ve been with dealing with Georgia’s death.” Max somberly admits, which makes Helen’s heart ache. 

She was sad to know that Max thought that his moving on felt traitorous in Georgia’s memory. She knew how hard it was for him to quickly adapt to his new reality of being a single father after Georgia’s sudden death, so she completely understood how hard it was for him to talk about it, especially to Luna who was still too young to fully comprehend a heavy topic such as death. 

But, she also knew that eventually he would have to inform Luna about her biological mother. It wouldn’t be fair to leave her undisclosed about what happened to her mother and why she was no longer in her life. Helen knew that Max’s avoidance in telling Luna would possibly end up with Luna resenting him for withholding the truth, if she ever found out about it from someone else. 

Though it would be hard and a discussion that no parent would ever want to willingly have with their child, Helen and Max knew that eventually he would have to have that conversation with Luna whether he liked it or not. 

“I don’t know Georgia all that well, but I’m sure she understands why you don’t talk about her that much. It’s hard to talk about death, especially with kids. You shouldn’t beat yourself up about it, Max. No one’s blaming you for trying to move on after that horrific accident. I’m sure Georgia wouldn’t either.” 

Max nods as he assess her words of assurance. She was right, it was justifiable in why he was so reluctant in telling Luna about her birth mother. But, still, he would have to tell her the truth so she would know that Georgia didn’t willingly leave them both behind. Though he was dreading the day of that future conversation, he relished in the fact that he had such an understanding girlfriend like Helen. 

Knowing his tragic backstory and all, she still loved him and Luna. And he was so grateful to have her in their lives. 

“I love you.” He says, sincerely, his blue eyes staring deeply into her soft, brown ones. 

“I love you too.” She reflects, leaning her head down a bit to press a kiss against his mouth.

When they return home later that night after enduring a treacherous fourteen hour shift, they showered, ate and snuggled against one another under the warm blanket. Helen’s backside instinctively curled against Max’s chest as he wrapped a secure arm around her, flushing their bodies closer together. Their hands wrap around each other’s resting just at Helen’s stomach. 

“Goodnight.” He whispers, kissing at the skin on her shoulder. 

“Goodnight.” She murmurs sleepily.

He’s in a deep slumber when he feels a pair of hands patting at his chest. Cracking an eye open, he sees Luna hovering over him, standing on her knees at the edge of the bed, tightly clutching her Barbie doll. Her blue eyes are wide with terror, she whimpers softly and rubs a hand over her eyes. 

“What’s wrong baby?” He asks, whispering in a low tone careful not to wake Helen. Max eases his arms from around her and sits up, extending his arms out towards Luna. She quickly crawls up to him and tucks herself comfortably in her father’s arms. 

“I had a nightmare.” She sniffles.

“You did? Do you want to sleep in here with me and mommy so you won’t be scared anymore?” Max suggested, in which Luna nods curtly. He draws the covers back, allowing Luna to slide her body underneath, settling between him and Helen. Luna flips on her side, in favor of turning in his direction so that she could rest her head on his shoulder.

“Night daddy.” Her eyes fluttered softly, a yawn emanates from her lips as she snuggled close to her father. Her small hands curled in little fists as she clutched onto his shirt in security. Max smiled as he looked at his two sleeping girls, both in his arms safe and sound. 

“Goodnight, Lu.” He kisses the top of her head before allowing his exhaustion to conquer. 

**Author's Note:**

> i always try to make these stories as realistic as possible — personally i think he would feel conflicted about hearing luna call someone else mommy, simply because even though the show has steered away from it a little bit, i think he’s still grieving in husband own way whether we see it or not. that being said, i don’t think that would prevent him from moving on with his life, which is what he’s doing with helen in this story. :)  
> anway, hope you guys enjoyed! leave a comment/kudos below if you liked (i really enjoy reading the feedback you guys give!)


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